Interested in someone in a social group? Thinking of bringing a friend or partner into one of your social groups? Some of us will never date someone they meet in a social group, well that’s what they say. But making friends and finding a good partner in social groups happens.
For all of us, please read and share my thoughts on this matter.
Here is the summary that is further onlined bottom.
1. Honest open communication
2. Hangout as friends outside the group, not exposing the friendship to the group
3. Discuss staying friendly no matter what happens before getting physical.
4. Continue not exposing the relationship to the group until a strong connection and solid relationship exists.
5. Put the group first at all cost.
Bad mouthing someone may feel good short term but will make all look bad in the long term.
We sometimes want to get to know someone in a social group we are in. I prefer meeting people this way as compared to dating sites, blind dates via friends, etc. The reason being is I can observe a person’s behavior in a group. I enjoy groups, so knowing they enjoy groups too is a big plus. I find being acquaintances first, then friends and maybe more is safer, so I am providing you the following process. You can modify the process if you like, nothing is life is carved in stone. In fact I am open to any thoughts in this matter. Rule one is open communication. I think sharing a process helps prevent people from getting hurt. Contracts are written to avoid conflict in this world. Unless you are trying to take advantage of someone, contracts work. Again, Communication is key in any relationship. If you are looking for casual sex or a one night stand then this is not for you. I have never had sex with a stranger, so this is what I have been doing. This is not a guarantee, there are no guarantees in life, well in my life. Again if you are looking for a quick hookup this may be too time consuming for you. If you are looking for a quality relationship this will help. I prefer it. But again I must emphasize that the process that follows must be followed and agreed upon by all parties involved. Again feel free to modify to everyone’s liking.
Again, there are no guarantees in life. This is a process that I have found to work well providing both individuals are weĺl adjusted and comfortable without the other person. Secure in themselves. Over time people become attached, some quicker than others. Open honest communication is key in building any relationship, so that is the first step.
1. Open honest communication.
I prefer a social group over a dating site because I am outgoing and want the other person to see this. Many people prefer a quiet not outgoing mate or friend.
2. I like to offer to help someone or do a common interest together. In other words, I don’t imply a date, Just a friendly encounter. Part of this encounter is that no one in the group is aware that we are doing anything together. Even if the group is a church, people will stah.crt evaluating the couple. At this point it is essential that only the couple is evaluating. Outside thoughts are usually not good, even when positive. The two people must put their feelings first, and not exposed to peer pressure.
The couple can share feelings with people not connected to the group.
Ok, so you do a few things together. Non dating activity, non physical stuff. Its best to hold off the touching stuff for a few months. So a comfortable friendship can develop. A relationship where open honest communication is easy. The reason for this is so no one gets hurt. Well hurt unnecessary. It reduces the odds.
Here is the tricky part. Before getting physical I have this talk.
In short I say: We are friends now and should always treat each other as friends, with trust and respect. Make sense? If we get deeply involved and things don’t work out we stay friends, or at least respect each other.
Half the time the other person gets upset because I am talking about breakups. 50% of couples breakup and it can be very painful if hate/rejection and other negative feelings become the main emotions in control. Understanding the other’s view point should come first.
So if I am allowed to finish, I continue on to say if we breakup we stay friends or at least don’t bad mouth the other in the group we met or to anyone that would repeat the drama to the group. It is not only bad for the couple but also the group. People in the group will take sides and divide the group. Again peer pressure will often damage everything. Bad talk will destroy the relationship for ever. The person liked the person enough to become friends, and maybe even date for awhile. Bad mouthing the person may feel good at the moment, but makes all parties involve look scary, especially the bad mouthing party. I stay away from bad mouthers I don’t want to be the next target and I hate negative energy. It makes us all physically sick, along with the emotional stress. As noted is that both parties are free to attend group activity and if one is upset with that situation they need not attend. Not cause a scene in the group. Both are allowed to move on without implied guilt from anyone. Life is short and no ones pursuit of happiness should be hindered. Friends should be happy to see others being happy.
So if all is going well, the couple has built a friendly relationship and now can proceed to test the physical part of the relationship and have a clean understanding of where things are. When both agree, are now ready to expose their relationship to the group, because they are strong enough to take any negative feedback from the group.
1. Honest open communication
2. Hangout as friends outside the group, not exposing the friendship to the group
3. Discuss staying friendly no matter what happens before getting physical.
4. Continue not exposing the relationship to the group until a strong connection and solid relationship exists.
5. Put the group first at all cost.
Bad mouthing someone may feel good short term but will make all look bad in the long term.
People will be people and bad news travels quickly. Correcting the bad news is close to impossible.
Again, no guarantees in life. Respect each other.
Remember to ease into a relationship, baby steps allowing for healthy boundaries for all. You can do this process without asking for a date. A date is often not a baby step. This is just food for thought and not a secret weapon to get your way. I actually think the whole process should be shared on day one. That will help create the open honest communication needed.
Enjoy the Journey
I suggest you have all parties involved sign a contact like this. People only take things seriously when they sign it.
DO IT YOURSELF with Just Ask Bob 