I have a few tips when it comes to making friends in social groups. This includes churches, volunteering, and even work. These tips work well in making any new friends but let’s focus on social groups, where several people are involved.
Making friends in social groups has its benefits. You are meeting people with a common interest. You get to watch these people before getting close. You watch them in a group, and you can see how they treat a handful of others. Some people are great one-on-one, but a group environment makes some people crazy. I like groups so a “group easy person” is a requirement for me, people who are calm in a group.
I have been meeting new friends in social groups for years now. Here are some things I have learned along the way. They may seem like common sense to me, but are sometimes overlooked.
Communication is key in any relationship. With this in mind, try talking to the person outside of the group. Determine if a friendship can work before exposing it to the group. People in a group are human and like to gossip. If exposed, your relationship will become public knowledge. This is usually bad. You will receive pressure from the group, even good pressure like “you are great together” can turn bad if you don’t end up being together. In other words, try to avoid group expectations. On the flip side, people get jealous, etc. Group members may quickly try to destroy your friendship. There are too many reasons to list why, but I am sure a few come to mind. When I first joined social groups, I was very naïve. I had lived a life with a hand full of friends, all I trusted. We always had each other’s back. When my son went off to college, I was divorced and had plenty of free time. I joined bicycle riding groups, kayaking groups, hiking groups, cooking groups, wine tasting groups, free concert groups, and photography groups to name a few. Prior to that, I was involved in volleyball, softball, and bowling. These groups evolved around a sport and were pretty safe compared to groups that evolve around alcohol drinking. Drinking and gossip go hand in hand. But don’t be fooled, gossip is everywhere, just more obvious when alcohol is involved.
My next tip is to discuss with your new friend what happens if you start to not get along. Having enemies in any group is not good for the group. And what is not good for the group will usually is not be good for you. Again if the group is not aware of your friendship then nothing will happen if you stop getting along, unless one of you trashes the other. So how to avoid this is to promise to never trash each other to anyone in contact with the group. If you have to vent find someone who will never come in contact with the group. What is best is clear communication upfront. I discuss the possibility of not getting along before it happens. Sometimes my new friend gets upset with the idea of not getting along, this is a clear indicator of bad times ahead. Things don’t always go our way, I like people that can handle these setbacks. Their anger is an indication that things will get ugly if things don’t go their way.
If you want to share your thoughts and experiences send me an email. I am at JustAskBobSimon@gmail.com. Put “Making Friends in Social Groups” on the Subject Line. I look forward to hearing from you all. Please indicate if you want to share your thoughts publicly, or just want to talk confidently.
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