With the birth of the Internet in the 1990s things have changed drastically especially due to the Covid pandemic, where we were told not to interact physically with others. We found ourselves interacting online more and more. I’ll always prefer person to person interaction, but something is better than nothing. A lot of online interactions can be tailored to your interests. So online communications are often more efficient. So let’s stop wasting time and figure this out. Nothing new is totally easy but with a little practice we can get good at this. Even introverts who are shy people can open up with a computer system between them and another person. So let’s take the time to research and investigate this new way of making friends.
People during and after the pandemic sheltered themselves and avoided physical contact with others. A couple of years of this has created such a dilemma for many of us. Many people are still in the mindset that they can’t be around other people, while other people are feeling it’s all over and we can interact like before.
In my case, I was in the mindset that being outside with friends is a necessity for good health. I felt being outside was safe enough and I did that throughout Covid-19. I did my share of hiking, biking, dancing, and kayaking. All activities where you can keep that recommended 6 feet distance. There were several people who disagreed. Several people criticized the hiking, biking, and kayaking groups that were doing this, but we ignored them. Looking back I’m very happy that I took part in these outdoor activities. Even my family members were upset that I was outside interacting with other people.
People are getting back to normal or whatever normal can be at this point. A newspaper article in the Wall Street Journal, 2022, pointed out that a lady that was traveling to Japan. She decided to use a dating app in order to meet people. She found that when she first started traveling that the locals were very hesitant to talk to her. She ended up traveling completely alone, not even talking to strangers because of Covid-19 concerns. When she used the dating app, she wasn’t looking for love, she was just looking for some connections and she found just that. Now, she was a pretty lady but she put together a profile and made it clear that she was just traveling. She met several men who took the time to give her tours around the area. Now, as a man, I’m not sure that would work quite as well for me, but I would likely give it a try.
I use an app called CouchSurfing, looking for places to stay while driving down the east coast to Florida, where I stayed with a friend. When I listed just me on the first trip, I got little response. For the next trip, I included my pretty girlfriend in my profile. I got several replies, but when the time came things fell apart, timing-wise. Who knows next time I should just have a female friend set up a profile. A lady recommended the CouchSurfer app, and said she had good luck with it.
The article about the female traveling to Japan got my interest. So I researched online apps that could help me find friends. An article at https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a24799641/best-friendship-apps/ discussed 14 websites/apps that were recommended as friend finders.
But before you find a new friend I recommend you take a little time to define what a good relationship is to you. I found this article on a website you can find by typing “just ask bob simon” into the Google search engine.
DO IT YOURSELF with Just Ask Bob – Making our lives better …
https://justaskbobsimon.wordpress.com
This site had an article that talked about healthy boundaries and how to avoid unwanted drama in social groups. He points out that meeting people in groups with common interests is less scary than meeting people one on one. You can observe people in a group before you decide to approach them. Watching others interact is safer than doing it yourself. Being a spectator as compared to playing often opens doors to learning new techniques without the fear of failure. The only downside in meeting people in a group setting is the group is watching. But there are ways around these downsides. It’s all common sense but we often don’t use these common sense approaches when we are in the thick of the emotions that accompany meeting people we may like. The same site also has DO IT YOURSELF LIFE COACHING material which will help one focus on one’s strengths and weaknesses. Things to know about yourself before taking on the world, or just a new friendship.
Now that we feel confident we know what we want, we are ready to jump into the pool.
Let’s look at the 14 apps recommended by Cosmopolitan at https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a24799641/best-friendship-apps/ . This article talked about 14 best apps to make friends. Some of these apps are dating apps but people use them to make new friends. Others are designed for making friends, but friends sometimes become lovers, so remember to understand and communicate we learned on the “Just Ask Bob Simon” site.
- Yubo.live
Yubo includes common features like making a profile, swiping, and private messaging. What’s different is its free video chat feature, where one can chat without giving out a phone number. This ensures the person you met is actually who they say they are, which helps with first-time meetup jitters since you have seen them live. - LMK
This app has a group chat feature so there is no waiting for a reply. Just jump into the group chat in progress. The voice chats also include a timer that’ll end the call unless you choose to extend it, so no awkward goodbyes if you’re just not clicking. - Bumble BFF
Bumble BFF is literally the same concept as Bumble, just for platonic friends, so all genders appear in your searches. - WINK
With WINK you can chat directly on the app or move the conversation to Snapchat for something a little more private. It’s like Tinder for friends. - HEY!VINA
VINA was designed for just women. You can match based on shared activities, interests and/or your life stage. - Ablo
Ablo is for meeting people around the world with an auto translator, so you can talk to anyone without a language barrier. - Bloom
This is for people in kink, queer, sex-positive, and BDSM communities. Bloom hosts tons of events and festivals. - Peanut
Peanut is for moms who feel isolated. Great for combating postpartum depression. - ATLETO
ATLETO are for competitive types, marathon buddies, tennis opponents, etc. - FRIENDED
Similar to the Whisper app, Friended lets you share your random thoughts in a controlled environment, allowing other users to reply or send encouraging thoughts to you privately. People who encourage are often good friends. - Twitch
Twitch is a gamer community also known as streamers. - Skout
Skout is handy if you’re traveling alone and want to grab a bite to eat or a drink with someone… or even hook up. (Skout has no rules!). - NEXTDOOR
When you move to a new neighborhood and want to find out what is happening close by. - MEETUP
Where people create groups and events for any specific interest, type your zip code and find groups you are interested in or create your own group for a fee.
I got involved with the Meetup.com groups 18 years ago. That’s where I met people who wanted to kayak, bike, and hike even during the covid pandemic. Some of the people I met in one of the kayaking groups are like family to me. Even closer than my family since I only have an older brother and son, both married and too busy to do the activities that the people in these groups do.
Once we get the hang of making friends online, let’s explore some Do’s and Don’ts. I found information in an online Weekly Newsletter, called “Ascend”.
A newsletter covering career and life advice for young professionals.
https://hbr.org/2021/04/how-to-make-friends-on-the-internet
Do: Choose the platforms and communities that you care about.
Don’t: Be everywhere.
I have made this mistake, joining too many groups and losing track of activities and the groups I really like. So be selective and put your effort into a handful of groups. If a group doesn’t meet your needs replace it with another.
Do: Be kind.
Don’t: Be super honest.
Say nice things about other people’s posts. Try not to critique their work, just ask things like how did they created it or how you enjoyed it. How it motivated you.
Do: Connect with people you like.
Don’t: Connect with everyone — especially the haters.
You need to realize that some people on the Internet just like to harass or push their agenda.
I don’t like to call people haters, they just have a different agenda than I do. It’s important to figure out people’s agendas. If someone has the same agenda you do, then you have a good foundation for a friendship no matter how you met.
Do: Build on connections that bring out your best.
Don’t: Engage with people who bring out your worst.
Here it’s important that you realize your agenda. You can think of agenda as your purpose or mission in life. People love to help other people and if you can tell them exactly how they can help you, you make it easier. Here’s where I struggle because I was brought up pretty much on my own. I feel very self-sufficient and feel uncomfortable asking for help. Write down the items you are looking for help with, in detail. This will be a big help, not only for you but for those willing to help.
Do: Make plans to hang out online or in person.
Don’t: Think that because this is someone you met online, that the friendship isn’t important.
I find that short little text messages or comments on people’s posts get a little old, so eventually a 15 minute to an hour discussion about something brings me to the next level. Again, this is hard for me since I’m very independent and self-sufficient so the best way to meet someone is to help them. This opens the door for them to return the favor. My expertise is handyman, computers, or life coaching. My mission is to actually ask others for help in “‘my writings”‘ and see how that goes, since that’s where I’m struggling. People become less uncomfortable by doing the task, so wish me luck in my journey on Internet where there are plenty of new friends waiting.
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